That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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