he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
