Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
