i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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