Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
