I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
BRING THE BAGELS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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