not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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