wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
