watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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