omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
