and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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