his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
