by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
