there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
