I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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