There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
