Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
