I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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