Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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