You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
