peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
