"it" just moved
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
