On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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