Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
