alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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