kristin has been a bad kristin
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Even my vagina gasped.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
