Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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