Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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