I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
