Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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