Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
