he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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