I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
