the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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