Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
