If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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