She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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