I wish I could punch you in the face.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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