Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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