Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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