Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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