Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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