if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
