just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He felt like a one man threesome
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
