If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
