either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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