I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
