There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
