Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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