Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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