my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Enjoy the penises
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
